What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 00:09
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was very sick at this time too.
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It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
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Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Im still living with it.
How do schizophrenia symptoms change throughout the day?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Can you list every album you have ever listened to?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why is going on a date today so much different than it was when I was young?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was seconnd youngest,
How does a 45-year-old man get a girlfriend?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Do all you people that took the "jab" feel lied to yet?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I will be 64.
Comes on , in middle age.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Is it ethical for same-sex couples to raise children?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
What were some things that the ancient Greeks excelled at compared to the Romans?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
What did i know ?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Was to survive, this bastard.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Who then, do I blame.?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I said to her
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I could never make a relationship work though!
She was in good health!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I write beautiful poetry .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She wouldn,t have been !
(And it was in our own minds.)
All the time i was locked up.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
One cannot live in the past .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She married twice! .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My life is so biszare .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
This is soul school!.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And i lived it daily.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I couldn’t, believe it.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I have no regrets .
She found it foreign!.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Ive learnt so much.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We were not on the streets..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
It was going to be , some day.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He knew the spot.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
So, i spoilt her more .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
So whats the point in blame.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I think the readers, may guess!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My family never makes their pension either.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
We all went to grammer schools
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was scared of men, in general
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was 9 years of age.
But, we were locked up after school.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I don,t even have a pension.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Put me off passion for life!!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She loved him until the end.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But ive been too sick for many years..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Would this be the day?
Especially a lifetime of it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But it wasn’t much.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I waited trembling.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
When she asked me how she looked .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!